We read motivational quotes on the net. We read, understand, feel like something moves, you feel the calm starting to dissolve slowly in your veins, then your boyfriend doesn't clean the table after eating and you snap. Everything disappears: the chakra, the feng shui, Lao Ce and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And you remain alone with the bread crumbles, and of course the lazy boyfriend. Everything that happens to us is totally irrelevant and has absolutely no effect on our existence without our reaction to it. Great one, ha? That being said, we all agree, nevertheless, the problem remains: how can we manage not to have a reaction? Meditation, autosuggestion, or you just have to cut your finger, so you'll have a bigger problem for that moment you can have a reaction to? Or you could talk to your boyfriend, that every time he leaves his dirt somewhere should come and give you a slam so you'll be reminded, that it could be worse if he would also beat you?! Well, I tried to calm my hot temperament like that and proposed to my boyfriend, but he just refused, saying, he is not going to hit a woman, and I have crazy ideas. You, just have to be calm, he said, there is no problem. Excuse me, he did not affirm that, he asked me, actually what the problem was? And me, instead of being happy how a calm and nice guy I have become even angrier. So, the quote had a huge effect on me. At least for 3 seconds.
Now, when I think about it, seems stupid. But that is our biggest problem, when we are in a certain situation, we just can't judge it on an objective scale. So, we spend our lives with being angry, upset, depressed about all very irrelevant things. That we do have tragedies, suffering, war, economic downfall, and of course sometimes our nail just starts exfoliating like hell, but otherwise, there aren't that many huge tragedies in our life. If we would compare the tragedy rate and the “feeling like shit” rate, we would have a two very very unequal excel columns.
But the question still remains: how on Earth do you stop feeling yourself like shit and start ignoring the irrelevant “nonproblems” of your life? Well, if I would tell you right away, you wouldn't read any other article of mine, would you, you little rabbit? (this was a better reason than telling you, that I have no f.-ing idea of any of it). But I am not telling you that because I don't want to cut the tree branch under myself. So keep on reading!
I did realize, that 100 percent of the cases, when “nonproblems” become problems, even huge ones, the reason that they end up being as enormous, is actually us. We are making them, but not anyhow. Deliberately. Let's say you have a small problem. But you get stressed about it, start to make scenarios in your head, your behavior becomes irrational, you don't and can't control even your movements, lose concentration, so you spill out the coffee, don't save the excel sheet you are working on since two hours and accidentally the electricity is taken for five minutes... Otherwise, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but you lose your data...so you have to redo it, so you become even more stressed...and so it keeps on mounting and mounting. Till you get home from the office, you have become a mental wreck.
The problem with most people is, that we can't say NO. We can't refuse people, demands, situations. Everything and everyone is forcing themselves on us, and we just can't say NO. Of course, they are the lucky ones, who don't give a damn and still make it.
The magical recipe is absolutely not magical at all. You don't have to have a poker face, you really need sometimes just to be poker mind and poker heart. Just don't give a f*. Making yourself nervous is never helping to resolve any situation. It always just makes things a lot worse. But how? But how?
Actually, that's easy too. It's called self-discipline. Write on your desktop, phone, a little paper you keep in the office somewhere the reasons why you shouldn't care. Write it down when you are seeing objective and you are calm, because when you will get stressed you won't remember. That's sure.
For example, I am working in a company where at the interview they promised me a middle to a high class car. Instead, they gave me one, which is actually one of the cheapest and most horrible cars in the whole wide world. So, I wrote this down, and every time I start to get nervous, I want to do this and that, organize, fight, offer my soul, I am reading it. First, it doesn't seem to have a full effect but just keep doing it. And with time add to the list: you are not living well at all with your payment. You can not afford this or that. Write down. The list will continue to grow and the reasons why you should “sacrifice yourself on the altar of the working process” will with time diminish. You will get calmer. Do your job but don't be like a running rabbit. Not rabbits are the kings of the animal kingdom. They get to be eaten all the time by everybody. So calm down, do what you have to do, pretend maybe that you are interested but treat your heart right so deep down you don't give a shit.
Working out, taking a walk, sunbathing, having sex or a great dinner makes sense to be enthusiastic about. Office work? It doesn't. Nevertheless, you will end up observing, that in the moment you stop overreacting on office issues and take decisions calmly, even your work will get better. Opportunities will start coming your way. Even write down this one: I don't give a damn! Make a habit of reading it to yourself from time to time... eventually, it will insinuate itself in your subconscious and that is just the thing we want to achieve! So go for it! It will not mean that you won't do your job. You will, but you will do it calmly. This way you will even end up with a longer lifespan. just try it, you can always "re-stress" yourself.